I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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