textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
