I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
