If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
