you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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