Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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