i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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