grandma shit on top of the toilet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
