We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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