he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
