i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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