I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
