Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
