I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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