I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
