so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
