just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize