my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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