I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
