Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
