$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
