I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
