The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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