Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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