Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
