I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
