i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
