I just pynch a tree in the face
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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