Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
