I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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