I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize