Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
