I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
