I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
