I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
