I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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