That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
