Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
