wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
