This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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