In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
