idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize