i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
