if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize