Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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