I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
