I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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