Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
