So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
