Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
