He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
