you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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