goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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