My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
