Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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