I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
