Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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