...so i touched it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
