Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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