my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
