I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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