So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
