Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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