My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
