2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
