Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
