Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
